It's been almost a week since i been on here last.. Well i been on but every time i've tried to write something my mind has blacked out. The last week been really crap to be honest. My emotions been all over the place and i feel dead inside.
Doesn't help Lorelai is being a proper stroppy 2.5 year old.
It's not all been bad the last week, have had some really good laughs with the family and i keep getting this feeling of how blessed and lucky i am, but sadly at some level it makes me feel like i don't deserve them as i keep bringing illness into our little family. I've talked with the gp about it and been told it's very very normal so i'll trust that.
Today i told my brother and his girlfriend that i've gone head first into PND and asked them not to tell anyone. There's still only a few people knowing - telling them today is a bit of the weight of my shoulders. At least they will understand why i don't feel like talking or got the mind to put together a trip to go over and see them right now.
It sucks though, as i am longing to see my brother and show him Caroline. He is having an operation in september and wish i could be there for him.. It's hard not being around my brother, he and I use to be close but so much has happened and with me moving here we just fallen apart. He is still the one i talk to the most. My mum, well, been weeks since i've heard from her. I really don't have the mind to sit down and sent her an email. I got no idea what to tell her. All she wants it's pictures to show off, frankly i'm sick of sending her pictures without her being involved.
Tomorrow it's 2 years since we waved the final goodbye to my grandad. I know tomorrow is going to be hard to get through. I miss him everyday and when i think of him it still tears me up. I feel sick and clammy. Wonder if i'll ever be able to let go off him.
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