PND

How do you tell someone that you been diagnosed with PND? And how do you explain to them what it's like to live with it?

Been told the first step to recover is to admit you are depressed and need help from some one to get better. I think i knew long before i told N about it. I think it started through the pregnancy to be honest. The last weeks of the pregnancy i felt so alone and really low. I thought it was just the last stage of the pregnancy but looking back now i think it might have started then.
I found it really hard to admit to N - it came out after a massive break down from me. And his words was so simple "I know, i known for some time now"
Why he didn't tell me i couldn't get into my head but i get it now - if he had told me i would never have admitted it to myself.
But how do you explain to someone who's never been depressed what it's like?
It's not like i'm sat daily sobbing and not doing anything. I have good days or half good days some days. I do normal things, i play with the kids, do the housework, we go out etc. I might not be smiling and laughing every day but im getting on with life.
A part of me wants to tell the world why im grumpy some days and why i don't feel like meeting up or why i need to get out of the house for a bit. N is so supportive and so understanding, i don't get how he can cope. I'm trying my hardest to be me but it's so hard. It might sound silly but i lost track of me.
After having Lorelai it's been all her, giving and making sure she have had everything and maybe a bit to much. I've done small things for myself like haircut and new colour etc. I treated myself to new cloth during the pregnancy. But when i think about buying cloth or things for me i feel guilty. I feel like i should let N buy things for him instead and for the girls.
I don't really like spending money on me, im scared that if we are short on money it will be my fault as i bought something for me. N just bought me a tablet, i wanted one but i would never buy it for myself. I feel so greedy.

I'm scared if i tell my family they are going to treat me differently, see me as the weak person. If i tell my friends i'm scared they are going to move away from me and i'll be standing alone in the end. I wish it would be easier to tell them. I hate lying to them when they ask if im ok cus im not really speaking or i seem off. As long as Caroline is this little it's easy to say "oh im just really tired, you know new baby etc". I feel ashamed of it and i know i shouldn't but i do. I feel like admitting it and then having to tell people about it will make me look very weak. I already feel like everyone around me knows, it feels like they are looking at me like "oh poor girl". I think that's why i couldn't and still can't accept i need to take it slow after the section. I'm not weak and i'm not the poor girl sat in the corner crying. I've grown up with being pushed to work through the aches and pains and put the feelings aside. So that's what i do. I make sure the girls and N knows i love them more than anything and i adore them but that's it. When i start crying i stop myself cus i get ashamed of myself.
When i think "clearly" i know it's something i need to get over and let go to recover. Tablets is not going to make me better without me doing something to help myself.